im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
