this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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