Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
