Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
