after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
smell my finger.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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