I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
