"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
