Girls should come with a carfax report
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
