Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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