My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize