so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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