SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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