My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm both gender and math confused
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
