oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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