i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
