my mouth tastes like poor choices
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
