I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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