I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
