oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
