we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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