How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
