Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
