We won't sleep together?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
