I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk is a universal language darling
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