you would pick up someone in the library
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
