is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
