he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
