And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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