i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
