When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
