can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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