Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
