Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
