Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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