Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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