I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
