never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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