WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
