its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
