I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
