we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
