i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
