yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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