i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
