I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
