It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
