There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
