I look better un-naked...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
