maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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