As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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