so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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