Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i have two assholes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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