my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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