I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
