I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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