just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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