Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
