Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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