Heybabeimwearingurpanties
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
