I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize