...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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