It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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