yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
