Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
